IF I WERE THE DEVIL

By

Paul Harvey

If I were the prince of darkness, I'd want to infold the whole

world in darkness and I'd have a third of its real estate and

4/5th of its population but I wouldn't be happy until I have

seized the ripest apple on the tree - thee. So I'd set about

however necessary to take over the United States. I'd subvert the

churches first; I'd begin with a campaign of whispers. With the

wisdom of a serpent I would whisper to you as I whispered to EVe:

do as you please. To the young I would whisper that the Bible is

a myth. I would convince them that man created God instead of the

other way around. I would confide that what's bad is good and

what's good is square. And the old I would teach to pray after

me, "Our father, which art in Washington."

And then I'd get organized. I'd educate authors in how to

make lurid literature exciting so that anything else would appear

dull and uninteresting. I'd threaten TV with dirtier movies and

visa versa. I'd peddle narcotics to whom I could. I'd sell

alcohol to ladies and gentlemen of distinction. I'd tranquilize

the rest with pills. If I were the devil, I'd soon have families

at war with themselves, churches at war with themselves and

nations at war with themselves. Until each in its turn was

consumed. And with promises of higher ratings, I'd have

mesmerizing media fanning the flames.

If I were the devil, I'd encourage schools to refine young

intellects but neglect to discipline emotions; just let those run

wild. Until before you knew it, you'd have to have drug sniffing

dogs and metal detectors at every schoolhouse door. Within a

decade, I'd have prisons overflowing; I'd have judges promoting

pornography. Soon I could evict God from the courthouse, then

from the schoolhouse and then from the houses of congress. And in

his own churches I would substitute psychology for religion and

deify science. I'd lure priests and pastors into misusing boys

and girls and church money. If I were the devil, I'd make the

symbol of Easter an egg and the symbol of Christmas a bottle. If

I were the devil, I'd take from those who have and give to those

who want it until I had killed the incentive of the ambitious.

And what'll you bet, I couldn't get whole states to promote

gambling as the way to get rich.

I'd caution against extremes in hard work; in patriotism; in

moral conduct. I would convince the young that marriage is old

fashion, that swinging is more fun, that what you see on TV is the

way to be. And thus, I could undress you in public and I could

lure you into bed with diseases for which there is no cure.

In other words, if I were the devil, I'd just keep right on

doing what he's doing.

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