I Changed My Mind

My Struggle Over Abortion

Pastor Zolton Phillips III

 

I was a member of the Clergy's Advisory Council to the Virginia League

For Planned Parenthood in the early 1970's. That was before the Roe vs Wade

decision, back when states were allowed to make their own laws in regard to

abortion. Planned Parenthood had launched a campaign to liberalize the abortion

laws of Virginia and I participated in that effort, talking with people in the

state legislature at Richmond where I lived.

Down in the university area of Richmond was the Fan Free Clinic, a medical

facility for students and the underprivileged in the Fan District. the clinic

provided treatment for anything from the common cold to venereal disease. They

also saw young ladies coming in that were butchered, really torn up from abor-

tions. In desperation these women had chosen to risk their lives rather than

face the disgrace of an unplanned pregnancy, or bear a child they did not want

or were unprepared for.

At Planned Parenthood, I heard doctors make presentations saying that a

legal, professionally performed abortion was safer than having a baby (When

reporting deaths, pro-abortion people only include first trimester abortions

[1 to 2 deaths per 100,000], conveniently omitting the deaths from second and

third trimester abortions [40-50 deaths per 100,000], deaths in childbirth

occur 10 per 100,000) and that access to contraceptives would decrease the

rate of pregnancy. Free contraceptives and "safe" abortions seemed a reasonable

solution. I made my decision to support Planned Parenthood's goals on the basis

of these observations-not on the basis of any biblical study. My congregation,

the Village Presbyterian Church in Richmond, knew what I was doing. I didn't

preach it from the pulpit, but in private conversation, I certainly was an

advocate for abortion.

Other ministers and I-members of the Clergy's Advisory Council-would be

called in to meet with the Chairman of Planned Parenthood of Virginia to give

our advice about the different projects he was working on. I was never totally

comfortable with my position, but I wasn't quite sure why until later on.

The campaign to liberalize the state's abortion laws was successful, and I

made myself available as a counselor for the first abortion clinic in Richmond.

When women came seeking counsel, I told them that if they wanted to have an

abortion, it was understandable and that I would arrange one for them if I

could. But always in the back of my mind there was something that prompted the

question, "Is this really right?" I would push it down, but it gnawed at me

for a long time.

Finally, I asked the state Chairman of Planned Parenthood to let me

witness an abortion. I'll never forget that day. Inside the dilapidated brick

building, a former minority hospital, I was greeted by a nervous nurse and two

hurried doctors. I donned the standard white coat and entered a room where I

saw a very pretty young lady, anxiously sitting on the edge of an old hospital

bed. There were brief introductions and then I stepped to the back and

listened to the doctor tell this woman what would happen. He emphasized three

things: (1) "There will be no pain to speak of." (2) "You will walk into the

room." (3) "You will walk back from the room." I'm not sure what prompted them

to say such things, except possibly to reassure her that this was not a major

medical operation.

We went into the procedure room. I stood at the head of the lady as her

legs were placed in the stirrups, the doctor sat down, and the nurse at his

side. Following four cervical injections that were painful to the lady, she

was dilated by the series of rods increasing in size. Then an ominous-looking

machine with a gauze bag inside a jar was pushed close to her. The vacuum tube

was put in position, the machine turned on, and a sucking sound I'll never

forget filled the room. As a mass of fluid and blood went into the jar, the

gauze bag caught the fragmented body parts where I saw what appeared to be a

tiny hand catch in the bag.

I asked the nurse, "Is that what I think it is?" She said, "Yeah."

After it was over, the ashen-faced woman staggered back to the other room,

supported by no one until I went to her aid. The rest of my day was filled

with gloom.

I spoke with some people at Planned Parenthood about my uneasy feelings

and was told they would disappear after seeing a few more abortions.

I did see other abortions-two vacuum-curette and one saline. After the

saline abortion, the baby was born alive. Shocked, I appealed to the nurse

saying, "Hey, he's trying to live, help him!" She replied, "I can't because

they've signed the papers that he's dead."

When I came home, my wife and I began to do a lot of talking and praying

and searching the Scriptures-something I had not done thoroughly enough. After

a period of searching, God spoke to both of us at the same time. Jeremiah 1:5

was the verse God used to change my mind. "Before I formed you [Jeremiah] in

the womb I knew you, and before you were born I consecrated you..." If the

Lord knows him, then he has to be alive.

There was considerable guilt over my involvement. I still struggle with

it. Maybe my work didn't have that much of an effect, but I was a part of the

movement. That haunts me very seriously at times. Then when I realize the

grace of God, the haunting begins to disappear and I'm better able to accept

His forgiveness and forgive myself.

Nevertheless, it amazes me that we Christians can be so blind, especially

when I consider that the reasons society gives for justifying abortion today

would have killed our Christ before He was born: He was conceived out of

wedlock, conceived in an impoverished woman, uncared for by society, and an

embarrassment to family members.

"...Inasmuch as ye have done it unto one of the least of these my

brethren, ye have done it unto me." (Matt. 25:40 KJV)

 

By: Americans Against Abortion

P.O. Box 70

Lindale, Texas 75771-0070

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