Tim Dorf
I was raised in what you would call an average Polish, Roman Catholic
household, parochial schools and church every Sunday. I remember crying
because I couldn't go to church because my parents thought I was too young.
They probably didn't want the hassle or embarrasment of me acting like a
normal three year old in church.
My first touch with church was being made an altar boy in first grade,
boy did I think that was neat. I remember the first time I "served Mass", I
was scared to death and made some big mistakes, vowing never to be an altar
boy again. I looked at my priests growing up wondering if they did the same
things that I did, eating, crying, being sick etc., I really thought they
were supernatural, I found out later, much to my chagrin they weren't.
As far back as I could remember in school I developed this fear of
death, but never wanting to tell anybody. It actually at ten years old kept
me up at nights thinking I could die and never wake up! It was at this time
I started thinking about purgatory, and deciding that I didn't want to go
there because I was taught we had to suffer in fire for awhile, because we
hurt God by our sins, so I just decided to forget about those things,
thinking as a child does that if you forget, they would go away, of course
many years later God reminded me again that we spend eternity somewhere.
The most fearful thing at that time was going to confession to a priest
and telling him what I did wrong, I was embarrased and lied in confession,
and of course when I got old enough I stopped going all together. I was in
retrospect on the road to salvation because I was rejecting even though I
didn't know it things that God didn't require of mankind.
As I got into my teens the experimentation with sin began, smoking,
girls, rebellion, etc. I remember starting to go out and drink at that time,
coming home when ever I wanted too. My parents had no choice but to more or
less ask me to leave home. I didn't want to work or be responsible, I
wanted everyone to take care of me while I goofed off, sleeping or partying,
oh of course I blamed everyone but myself. I didn't realize it at the time
but God had plans for me!
I moved into the YMCA at this time and continued my rebellious ways,
not wanting to work or be responsible, while I was asleep the problems didn't
exist or so I thought. But, it was at this time my sister got saved and came
back to Racine and invited me to a Jack Van Impe crusade at Memorial Hall
in Racine. I remembered him speaking about the signs that pointed to Christ's
return and that if you weren't saved Hell awaited for you. It was the last
night of the meetings that I went forward when the invitation was given. I
remember going into the back room with a counselor and being asked if I knew
why I was there. I started crying and babbled about my relationship with my
parents. I actually don't remember anything that happened after that. I
know if the counselor was doing his job that the saving Gospel of Jesus
Christ was faithfully preached, but as the Bible says that the wicked one
will come in and snatch that seed away before it can take root in our heart.
I went away I believe not saved, but the word of God was sown in my heart
and no matter what I did He was there! (Psalm 139:7,8)
I was raised in a Polish Roman Catholic home, parochial schools and church
every Sunday. My first thoughts about religion was the concept of purgatory,
what would it be like? I was taught that it was a fire that cleansed you of
your venial sins. The thought of fire scared me to death and decided I
didn't want to go there. I must of realized that I wasn't good enough to stay
out of purgatory that I just decided not to worry about it anymore, like most
kids you think if you don't think about it, it would go away.
I also remember at this time my unbelievable fear of going to confession
to tell my sins to a priest, I was ashamed and embarrased to do it, so I went
in there and lied thinking that God would understand, not knowing that
Catholic theology teaches that it is a mortal sin to make a bad confession.
It seems to me God had His hand upon my life already, I had already given
up two hopes of Catholicism absolution and purgatory.
It was in my mid teens that I started the downhill slide with sin. I
started experimenting with tabacco, alcohol, pornography, women, you name it
I did it, just so I could be one of the guys. I was irresponsible about my
own life, not wanting to work, sleeping all the time, thinking my parents
would take care of me! It was at eighteen that the shock came! OUT! My
parents requested that I leave the house. So I moved into the YMCA and took
up where I left off, partying and being totally irresponsible about work
etc., thinking ole mom and dad would bail me out. Now I realize only Jesus
Christ could bail me out. My parents did as best as they could with a total
jerk!
It was at this time my sister had gotten saved and invited me to attend
the Jack Van Impe crusades at Memorial Hall in Racine. I went to almost all
of them. What stands out in my mind was the fact that he showed all things
going on in the world pointed to the fact that Jesus was coming soon, and I
could escape Hell!. I don'tthink I realized it was Jesus that I needed but
an escape. On that Friday I went forward to get out of my predicament. I
remember the counselor asking me why I came forward, I babbled about my
relationship with my parents but don't remember anything else. The Bible
says that the wicked one will come in and steal the seed, but I believe even
though I don't remember, the seed had been sown, the GOSPEL of Christ! I went
away unsaved, but our merciful God had called me and wouldn't stop calling
me until he saved me! The events surrounding my salvation were all according
to His plan! (Psalms 119:7,8)
I went away from the Jack Van Impe crusades an unchanged man and the
problems followed me also, not wanting the responsibility of an adult man,
job, bill paying etc.
God had plans for me, even though I didn't realize it, my partying was
more important I guess. I remember going shopping with my dad and sister to
a furniture store in Racine. I remember so well my fathers voice sounding
odd, he had a bad rasp and couldn't get any volume. We suggested that it
might be pnuemonia, but in our hearts we knew it was much worse. My dad
went to a specialist who checked him out and gave us the bad news-CANCER! We
refused to believe it at first and when the doctor said maybe a year to live
we almost fell apart. To make a long story short exploratory surgery was
done and they found a tumor on the trachea which couldn't be operated on.
Chemotherapy and radiation were the only alternatives.
I don't remember ever having been more emotionally upset in my entire
life. During the first few months of the therapy not knowing if it would
work, getting up each morning was a difficult undertaking. The days were long
and drawn out, and the worst part was I blamed myself for his being sick,
and manifested that guilt by accusing my family they didn't care as much as
I.
In the spring of 1982 I was living alone on the east side of Racine, our
wonderful loving Father got a hold on my heart. I believe with all my heart
that God was sparing my life, I was at the end of my rope, I was that
depressed over my father. At 3:00 in the morning I awoke and sat upright in
bed, I don't know why, but I went into the bathroom and I believe that God
was trying at that time to get a hold on me, I fell to my knees and and
cried out to God to take whatever I had left to use it for His glory because
I had made a mess of it all, I believed that God miraculously saved my hell
bound soul that morning. Romans 10:13. The seed was planted at Van Impe's
crusade and bore fruit those few years later. I look back and realized that
God took me through that experience to teach me to trust Him totally. After
salvation a mistake I made was a mistake many new babes in Christ make they
don't seek out a good church or even look for a church, and God brought
more heartache into my life to teach me that I needed His Word and His
people, the world didn't hold any answers! 1 John 2:17
To start out this last part of my testimony it has been 7 years since that
night and praise our God my dad is doing fine, a miracle was performed in my
dad's life, he needs to be saved so pray for him.
I remember after that experience in the bathroom that morning that
things didn't hold any allure for me, but as an uneducated person I just
thought that I was growing up, not realizing that the Holy Spirit was doing
things in my life.
I got mixed up with some bad people also. One was a homosexual who had
designs on me, Satan used that to convince me I might had homosexual
tendencies. That was the second most stressed emotionally I had ever been. I
met some people at this time who claimed to be Christians, one was a
charismatic, no offense, but in many ways made my situation worse, because
he had no answers to my problems. The other knew the right words but didn't
have the testimony, it was like the blind leading the blind, but I was the
one who almost fell into the ditch.
I remember even trying the Catholic church again, and went twice and
realized it was hypocrisy to go to a church I knew was not right just to be
going to a church. The next church was a "Word Movment" church. They taught
me it was more important to dance around, swing your hips, shake you back
end, play loud music in the service, and speak in tongues and healing than to
worship God according to your spirit. I rejected that and was told I didn't
have enough faith... sound familiar?
So one day I decide to call churches and decide for myself who was right,
and where I belonged, I had been studying my Bible at this time, but it was
so disjointed I didn't know which end was up. I called St. Rose Catholic
church and was told just to believe in God. I called the Lutheran church
down the block and was told baptism was the way you were born again. I called
the 1st Presbyterian church down town Racine and was told by the office lady
that it wasn't any of my business what she believed! God had the next call
all planned out in His sovreign will! I called Calvary Baptist Church in
Sturtevant and asked the pastor there "What is your doctrine of salvation?",
he answered "The blood of Jesus Christ is the only way that a man can get
saved". It was like a light went on in my head! That's It, so simple, that
day I believed I got the assurance of my salvation! It took five weeks but I
started attending that church and what a baptized in November of 1985,
what a glorious feeling to know I had done God's will! I now attend
Lighthouse Baptist Temple in Racine and it is a privilege to serve our Lord
Jesus Christ! It has been a long road and often times tough, but I know that
God has directed every step just to save my soul, even though He didn't
have to. That kind of love is incredible, have you experienced that kind of
love in your life? If there wasn't a time in your life that you realized
that you were a lost, hell-bound sinner who couldn't get to heaven on his
own strength, and you just by simple faith put you trust in the Lord Jesus
Christ alone, the one who died for you at Calvary 2,000 years ago to
reconcile you with God, why don't you take care of that right now? I pray
that you will before it is eternally too late!
-Tim
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