RELINQUISHMENT
What Does It Really Mean To "Let Go"?
The Turning Point For Family And Friends ... to "give up"
someone we love.
What Is Relinquishment?
One of the most frustrating pieces of advice one Christian can
give another is to "just give your problems up to God."
Most people aren't sure what "giving up" really means.
Three basic dictionary definitions of "relinquishment"
are:
1. to surrender a right
2. to put aside a plan
3. to loose one's hold on something or someone
This lays out what we're talking about in more concrete terms.
The kind of relinquishment we're dealing with usually involves
all three of these actions!
Who Is Affected By Relinquishment?
All of us in some way are involved in relinquishment.
Daily we must make choices.
Things that separate us from God must be given up.
We can understand this when it concerns things, but when it comes
to people, there is often confusion as to our Christian
responsibility.
Also, relinquishment is so difficult because it often involves
someone we are closest to, just the last person we would want to
let go of.
Hannah knew the pain of relinquishment.She was a godly woman who
prayed continually for a son, vowing she would dedicate him to
the Lord's service. God granted her prayer when she gave birth to
Samuel.Hannah brought him to the temple, saying, "I prayed
for this child, and the Lord has granted me what I asked of Him.
So now I give him to the Lord.For his whole life, he will be
given over to the Lord." (I Samuel 1:27,28).That must have
been a very painful relinquishment for a mother who had spent her
whole life longing for a child! But Hannah's priorities were in
order, and she knew to whom Samuel belonged.Relinquishment is
never easy -- people who say that it is probably haven't yet
experienced it! It is something that is meaningful only in the
context of deeply committed relationships.
Is Relinquishment A Form Of Punishment?
When God asks us to let go of someone close to us, the pain of
letting go may feel like punishment -- but it's NOT!.Relinquishment
is not the act of God removing from our lives someone we're
sinfully attached to.Real "giving up" is a mature
decision we make in response to God's request. Abraham saw his
surrender of Isaac as an act of worship (Genesis 22:5). When God
asks this of us, He is testing our loyalty, perfecting our
ability to trust Him with that which is most precious to us.The
fact that God requests us to relinquish someone is an encouraging
sign that He knows we already have established a relationship of
trust with Him.He doesn't ask us to relinquish above the level of
our capacity.
How Does Relinquishment Differ From Abandonment?
Relinquishment is "giving someone up;" abandonment is
"giving up on someone." When we let go of someone we
love, we stop taking responsibility for them, but we don't stop
fulfilling our responsibilities to them. In one counseling
session, we talked with parents whose Christian son was active in
the gay lifestyle.He was content being gay but had difficulty
keeping work, and his parents frequently bailed him out
financially.When they relinquished their boy, the financial
support stopped, though they continued to communicate their love
to him in other ways.
What Are Some Aspects Of Relinquishment?
% Facing Our Limitations.
Eventually we reach the point of acknowledging our own
helplessness in relating to our loved one, realising we've
reached the limits of our human love and wisdom. We are ready to
acknowledge our need to let God take over. % Acknowledging God's
ownership.
Like Hannah, we realise that the person we love belongs to God --
not to us.
Though we may have been entrusted with a position of care and
responsibility toward them, they ultimately belong to God and are
His responsibility.
% Letting Go Of Our Expectations.
We may have had many things we hoped would be fulfilled by the
person we love:
hopes that our children would marry and raise families; exciting
plans for the future we made with our husband or wife when we
married.And it's certainly not wrong for us to have these hopes!
But part of relinquishment is coming to terms with the fact that
these things may not happen We surrender our expectations,
realising that God will still bring fulfilment to our lives,
though maybe not in the way we had planned.
Giving to someone the same freedom God gives us: responsibility
for one's own choices.
This is perhaps the most difficult part of relinquishment,
allowing our loved ones to face the consequences of their own
actions, even if they experience pain and tragedy in the process.
It is important to realise that this does not reveal a lack of
love on our part. As his children, God gives to each one of us
that same freedom of choice, and His relationship to us is one of
perfect love.
Giving Up Efforts To Control Circumstances. In a very practical
way, we must begin to truly trust in the work of the Holy Spirit.Coming
away from homosexuality requires a vision and determination that
can only come from God. He alone can bring conviction of sin and
a desire for change. We must begin to act on what we know is true:
that God can work out someone's situation better than anything we
could come up with.
When Do We Relinquish Someone?
Though we may have friends admonishing us to "let go"
of someone, God is the only one who knows when we are actually
capable of doing this. Though we may be continually "giving"
someone to the Lord in our prayers, there will come a specific
time when God will ask us to let go, and that is when the
anointing and strength will be there to do it. When God commanded
Abraham to sacrifice Isaac, it wasn't when his son was a newborn
baby, but when he was probably a teenager. The request came when
Abraham was ready, after he had seen God's faithfulness proven in
many other circumstances.
What Is The Purpose Of Relinquishment?
Why does God ask us to relinquish someone we love? From our
finite perspective, we wonder, "Could He possibly be
insecure about our love for Him?
Why does God require such drastic proof of our commitment?"
The answers to these questions come only as we grow in the
knowledge of God's character, realising that everything He asks
of us is for our benefit. The purpose of relinquishment becomes
more clear as we look at the results in our lives:
increased security and greater freedom.
% Security Relinquishment tests the foundation on which our lives
are based. Jesus talks abut setting our affections on things
above, but most of us will admit our affections are pretty
earthbound. We care deeply about our children, our families, our
friends and our jobs. These are legitimate concerns! When God
says, He wants us to love Him above all others, He isn't implying
that we should be careful not to love others too much. But He
wants us, above all, to have our ultimate commitment to Him and
to have our ultimate security in Him. The world we live in is
unstable. The people we are most about are not unshakable pillars.
Security in God is not an option.bIt is a total necessity if our
lives are to be founded on something solid. If our securities
have become fastened too tightly on something shakeable,
relinquishment loosens our hold on the temporal and places our
grasp back on the eternal and unshakable.
% Freedom. When we are able to release the one we are so
concerned about to God's care, we are freed from an "emotional
roller coaster" type of existence where our moods are
dependent on our loved one's actions. One mother of a gay son
knew relinquishment had taken place when she no longer sank into
depression every time her son mentioned his involvement in the
gay lifestyle. This is not to say we are totally unaffected by
the actions of the other person, just that we are not controlled
by them. Another benefit of relinquishment is that our minds and
hearts are freed to focus on other things and to care about other
people. When we are so wrapped up with one individual, other
relationships and responsibilities may be neglected. "Letting
go" enables us to engage in new pursuits with joy and
enthusiasm. We are freed from the compulsion to try and bring
that person "back to the Lord," and we are released
from a sense of guilt and responsibility for their choices.
Although we may not realise it, such pressures from us may
actually have the opposite effect of driving that person further
from God, rather than further from his sin. Relinquishment frees
us to love that person in a more relaxed, non-possessive way,
allowing them the freedom to choose God for themselves without
the pressure of our expectations.
--Bob Davies and Lori Torkelson
For further information about homosexuality or about other areas
of sexual brokenness, please contact:
LOVE IN ACTION
G.P.O. Box 1115
ADELAIDE SA 5001
Phone (08) 371 0446
This article is reprinted by permission from
Metanoia Ministries,
P O Box 33039,
Seattle, WA 98133
U.S.A.
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