CHAPTER I. How Some Persons Are Unconsciously Attracted by God
Her have I loved, and have sought her out
from my youth, and have desired to take her for my spouse, and I became a lover
of her beauty. These words stand written in the Book of Wisdom[2] and are spoken by the beautiful and all-loving
Wisdom.
A Servant was filled with disgust and
dejection of heart on his first setting forth on the uneven ways. Then did the
Eternal Wisdom meet him in a spiritual and ineffable form, and lead him through
bitter and sweet until she brought him to the right path of divine truth. And
after well reflecting on his wonderful progress, he thus spoke to God; Sweet
and tender Lord! from the days of my childhood my mind has sought for something
with burning thirst, but what it is I have not as yet fully understood. Lord, I
have pursued it ardently many a year, but I never could grasp it, for I know
not what it is, and yet it is something that attracts my heart and soul,
without which I never can attain true rest. Lord, I sought it in the first days
of my childhood, as I saw done around me, in creatures, but the more I sought
it in them the less I found it, and the nearer I approached them the further I
receded from it, for every image that presented itself to my sight, before I
wholly tried it, or gave myself up quietly to it, warned me away thus: "I am
not what thou seekest!" And this repulsion I have experienced more and more in
all things. Lord, now my heart rages after it, for my heart would so gladly
possess it. Alas! I have so constantly had to experience what it is not! But
what it is, Lord, I am not as yet clear. Tell me, beloved Lord, what it is
indeed, and what is its nature, that so secretly agitates me.
Answer of Eternal Wisdom.--Dost thou not
know it? And yet it has lovingly embraced thee, has often stopped thee in the
way, until it has at length won thee for itself alone.
The Servant.--Lord, I never saw it; never
heard of it: I know not what it is.
Eternal Wisdom.--This is not surprising,
for its strangeness and thy familiarity with creatures were the cause. But now
open thy interior eyes and see who I am. It is I, the Eternal Wisdom, who, with
the embrace of My eternal providence, have chosen thee in eternity for Myself
alone. I have barred the way to thee as often as thou wouldst have parted
company with Me, had I permitted thee. In all things thou didst ever meet with
some obstacle and it is the sweet sign of My elect that I will needs have them
for Myself.
The Servant.--Tender loving Wisdom! And is
it Thou I have so long been seeking for? is it Thou my spirit has so constantly
struggled for? Alas, my God, why didst Thou not show Thyself to me long ago?
Why hast Thou delayed so long? How many a weary way have I not wandered!
Eternal Wisdom.--Had I done so thou
wouldst not have known My goodness so sensibly as now thou knowest it.
The Servant.--O unfathomable goodness! how
very sweetly hast Thou not manifested Thyself to me! When I was not, Thou
gavest me being. When I had separated from Thee, Thou didst not separate from
me; when I wished to escape from Thee, Thou didst hold me sweetly captive. Yes,
Thou Eternal Wisdom, if my heart might embrace Thee and consume all my days
with Thee in love and praise, such would be its desire; for truly that man is
blest whom Thou dost anticipate so lovingly that Thou lettest him have nowhere
true rest, till he seeks his rest in Thee alone. O Wisdom Elect! since in Thee
I have found Him whom my soul loveth, despise not Thy poor creature. See how
dumb my heart is to all the world in joy and sorrow. Lord, is my heart always
to be dumb towards Thee? O give my wretched soul leave, my dearest Lord, to
speak a word with Thee, for my heart is too full to contain itself any longer;
neither has it anyone in all this world to whom it can unburden itself, except
to Thee, my elected Lord, Father, and Brother. Lord, Thou alone knowest the
nature of a love overflowing heart, and knowest that no one can love what he
cannot in any way know. Therefore, since I am now to love Thee alone, give me
to know Thee entirely, so that I may be also able to love Thee entirely.
Eternal Wisdom.--The highest emanation of
all beings, taken in their natural order, is through the noblest beings to the
lowest, but their refluence to their origin is through the lowest to the
highest. Therefore, if thou art wishful to behold Me in My uncreated Divinity
thou must learn how to know and love Me here in My suffering humanity for this
is the speediest way to eternal salvation.
The Servant.--Then let me remind Thee
to-day, Lord,of Thy unfathomable love, when Thou didst incline Thyself from Thy
lofty throne, from the royal seat of the fatherly heart, in misery and disgrace
for three and thirty years, and didst show the love which Thou hast for me and
all mankind, principally in the most bitter passion of Thy cruel death: Lord,
be Thou reminded of this, that Thou mayest manifest Thyself spiritually to my
soul, in that most sweet and lovely form to which Thy immeasurable love did
bring Thee.
Eternal Wisdom.--The more mangled, the
more deathly I am for love, the more lovely am I to a well-regulated mind. My
unfathomable love shows itself in the great bitterness of My passion, like the
sun in its brightness, like the fair rose in its perfume, like the strong fire
in its glowing heat. Therefore, hear with devotion how cruelly I suffered for
thee.
[2] viii.2